Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to anyone by whom they come! ² It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. ³ Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. ⁴ And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, “I repent”, you must forgive.’

These words are fraught with difficulty for people involved in situations of domestic violence, for example.  Perhaps that is why they are omitted from the Lectionary reading? Does Jesus mean us to forgive bashing after bashing, abuse after abuse?

  There is also the evidence that, for an abused person to take charge of life again, it is helpful to let go of harbouring self-destructive feelings of anger; to remain all-consumed with ideas of revenge or pay back. Christian workers who counsel those who find themselves in abusive relationships find themselves in a dilemma. Forgive the abuse perpetually, and stay, waiting for the next episode of violence? Then thoughtful carers began to differentiate between what might take place within a person, and their external environment. To forgive need not mean the same as choosing to remain.

 Even if a person is able to forgive the perpetrator’s violence, this is not the same as choosing to stay in a situation which is threatening to well-being and life even, for themselves, and any children.

Separation may be the catalyst for healing for all caught up in a violent relationship. To relinquish a violent relationship and move to safety does not contradict Jesus’ words concerning forgiveness! 

Louis van Laar …………………………………………………………………………………………………………….